Solitude

I should be better at this. I have plenty of experience. I even tout that I prefer it; claiming that at times I could be described as a hermit.

So why am I suddenly so desperately lonely?

I've lived by myself before and loved it. Coming and going as I please. Knowing that everything is where I want it to be because there's no one else to mess it up. Never having to worry about fighting with my roommate or being unable to sleep because he/she is too loud, too crazy, too annoying.

I've only been here 4 days and I'm craving that "roomie" companionship. Maybe it's because of who my roommate is this time. Maybe it's because I had high expectations for the move back and now things are falling short. Either way, I want my roommate back. Sure I have other friends and yes I've been making plans and spending time with them. But at the end of the day it can be so depressing to come home alone. The dynamics are different too. The relationship I have with my roommate is on an entirely different plane than the relationships I have with other friends. It's almost more intimate. You share your interests, your hobbies, your stories, your ups and downs with your friends. With a roommate you share your space. A roommate has to be someone you can trust with some of your deepest, darkest secrets. You're sharing your home with this person and you don't do that with just anyone.

My time alone will end shortly. I wonder if I'll feel the opposite when my roommate returns. Will I feel stifled, suffocated, overwhelmed? What about the happy medium? Is it something you can ever actually achieve? I guess that's a whole other issue to mull over. For now I'll remain lonely, although maybe not entirely alone. I'm living with myself, that's some sort of company... isn't it?